Protecting America’s typewriter and slide rule industries is critical for the nation’s future, said John Underwood, with the American Public Typewriter Association, and William Keuffel, with Slide Rule America, in a report released today by the Typewriter-Slide Rule Center. “Typewriters and slide rules played a vital role in the nation’s victory in World War II,” noted Underwood. “What will happen to the U.S. if we don’t have access to these irreplaceable technologies in the future?”
We couldn’t have won World War II without it.
It is commonly believed that these tools have been replaced by microcomputers and the internet, but Keuffel scoffed at that claim. “The original internet was subsidized by the Defense Department,” he pointed out. “If the typewriter and slide rule industries had received similar subsidies, they would be thriving today.”
Typewriters for social justice.
Besides, added Underwood, typewriters and slide rules are also important tools for social equity. “Not everyone can afford an expensive computer and internet connection,” he observed. “We need to make typewriters and slide rules for those who can’t afford more expensive systems.”
Typewriters and slide rules, Keuffel noted, are also greener than their competitors. “Look at all the greenhouse gases being emitted to run internet server farms and mine bitcoins,” he pointed out. “We need to return people to sustainable communications and computing systems including typewriters and slide rules.”
“It’s also been proven that, if the capacity of the internet is expanded, people will just use it watching streaming movies, making TikTok videos, and working at home rather than in their offices where they ought to be,” argued Underwood. “What is the point?”
When asked whether the same logic applied to other industries that are being replaced by newer technologies, such as urban transit, Underwood and Keuffel looked surprised. “Urban transit?” Keuffel asked. “Nobody rides transit anymore. Between the slowness of service, crime, and the fear of infectious diseases, transit is obsolete.” Underwood added that any subsidies now going to urban transit would be better spent on the typewriter and slide rule industries instead.
🙂
The above comment was entered into my communication machine as a colon followed by a right parenthesis. My communication machine demonstrated its superiority to a typewriter by reading my mind and converting it into the above “smiley”. We’ll be OK as long as we don’t run out of electricity … or the fear of global warming causes us to stop generating it.
This reads like something from the Onion. Great job. The point will no doubt fly right over the head of transit advocates and urban planners.
Great piece of satire! One thing that I find is interesting is that slide rules weren’t really cheap. My dad said he spent $50 on a slide rule in 1946. If the internet is to be trusted that’s $759.77 today.
“antique” aka reliable technology
Look no further than the Navy’s new technology, EMALS.
EMALS IS NOT BROKEN, it’s working exactly as well as can be expected…It has improved since 2014 so one out of every 200, now 400 launches fail, which 1 out of 240 may seem inconsequential but that means each deployed Ford class carrier would lose two $80 million aircraft each month! The so called *”primitive”*old steam system fails to launch only once a decade.
Another was the crash that killed 13 sailors because touchscreens were installed to save manpower to steer the ship.
The fire that destroyed the USS Bonhomme, while tragic…but reveals two shocking aspects of Naval security policy. Lack of off use fire control, lack of security. How does an ALL STEEL Ship go up in flames?
Vital technology is dependent on a single network…
Satellite navigation is becoming ever more important. But even more so…satellite usage for data/information and internet is even more so. Musk’s starlink may sound impressive but reiteration of telecommunications 40 years old. As an indispensable instrument in automobiles, and now the technology is conquered the mobile phone, internet, tv and outdoor communications. Satellites are also replacing radar technology for the navigation of ships and planes, spaceships, submarines, tanks and most of all bombs….
Celestial navigation is mentioned in the works of Homer and Herodotus, and as far back as the Bible….but is complicated and time consuming. The sextant is accurate to a resolution of 100 to 200 metres, depending on the quality of the instrument and the experience of the user. The invention of the marine chronometer around 1760 was the missing link in the navigation system. Naval subs have largely retired the old school radio navigation. The United States Naval Academy (USNA) announced that it was discontinuing its course on celestial navigation (considered to be one of its most demanding non-engineering courses) from the formal curriculum in the spring of 1998. In 2015, citing concerns about the reliability of GNSS systems in the face of potential hostile hacking, the USNA reinstated instruction in celestial navigation in the 2015 to 2016 academic year….. Intercontinental ballistic missiles use celestial navigation to check and correct their course, because its impossible to jam.
But relevance and ease of GPS is defeated by anti-satellite missiles, potential lasers or suicide rockets & rogue satellites.
It is possible to enter orbit with a low-ISP propellant like alkali nitrate-sugar. I do remember, there was a competition to send an amateur rocket into the space. The budget was 10 grand. Even a 70s era Scud missile has a range off 110 miles can achieve space altitude, better version 300 miles….A satellite or warhead would have a small explosive charge surrounded by thousands of ball bearings like a claymore… If war breaks out, an encrypted message would cause it to explode, or rogue state or terrorist would have a dead mans switch if attacked. Polluting space with thousands of ball bearings that circle the planet for years and destroy or catastrophically damage numerous satellites. Relying on one centrally controlled system for all navigation is very dangerous especially if that system is to guide and navigate 300 million automobiles being steered without human hands or eyes attention. Should anything go wrong with the GPS-satellites, deliberately or by accident, all ships, planes, cars, submarines, backpackers and precision bombs would lose their way. In the field of navigation, we would be catapulted back in time: not to the eighteenth century mind you, but to antiquity. The entire defense/civilian, telecommunications, navigation, cellular service would essentially collapse.
LR, as you decided to comment on Naval failures, I felt I needed to respond. With EMALS, the issue is that the Ford is crammed with so much technology that was never tested at sea beforehand. Thinking that the trials at Pax River with contractors on sight were equivalent to 8 month deployments was dumb.
Regarding the DDG collisions, those were not a failure of the technology, but one of proper watchstanding. The McCain should been at Navigation detail, but the CO chose to overrule the XO and Navigator’s recommendation. The Fitzgerald collusion was a result of the CIC and Bridge not communicating with each other. Note that in both situations, the collision alarm was NEVER activated.
Where you are correct in tech replacing analog tools is in navigation management. While computers are useful, nothing is better that plotting a ship on a maneuvering board and verifying a contact in not CBDR (constant bearing, decreasing range). The same can be said with switching to digital charts and marginalizing the QM rating in general. Finally, visibility is just fine on a DDG, just break out the binoculars and walk around.
EMALS IS NOT BROKEN. It is working exactly as it should…. it’s just inferior. Just another in long line of failed scifi tech indicative of the “all electric warship”
Which is exactly why external visibility is key.
1: theres no reason why a fatigued helmsman shouldnt be relieved by XO or someone.
2: A carbon fiber crows nest isnt a big use of money and having a man outside looking for stuff is a huge safety asset.
While the Navy wrapped up its accident investigation of sub USS Connecticut…..back in 2017 the more LETHAL accident of the USS McCain… Investigation into the collision showed that an overly complex touchscreen system used for throttle control and training deficiencies had contributed to a loss of control of the ship just before it crossed paths with a merchant ship in the Singapore Strait, prompting a decision by the Navy to revert ships of this class to mechanical throttle controls fleetwide.
But biggest reason for this failure, was failure of simpler technology….ability to see……..
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bcb22a5efc1cf22eee699d4add8773b1572a7ac2e55fb648ecbe989aa6487ed0.png
Arleigh Burke destroyer such as the McCain (pictured left) has crap visibility.
By contrast 70 year old Iowa class battleships (picture center) have more periscopes than a sub. WHY? various reasons namely high view visibility. An 888 foot long vessel… needs visibility to tread and slowly make way into port, the battleship Wisconsin collided with the destroyer Eaton in 1956….that accident occurred in Heavy fog…. McCain at 529 feet, crashed in decent weather..Bridge of an arleigh burke class is just about 16 meters above sealevel…thru tiny windows visibility sucks and visual line of sight is a few kilometers. An electro-optic sensor cluster atop the ships mast…or on a carbon fiber telescoping post (right) increases visible line of sight, give navigators advance view further objects. Of course cheaper to simply revive the old fashioned crows nest.
The vogtle nuclear plant is 8 years behind schedule and 16 billion over budget, despite promising a “economical and simplified” reactor. She was designed by addle brained computer engineers with no drafting knowledge. and the 4th generation reactors they promise..exist only as fancy CGI images.
NS Savannah was the first nuclear powered civilian freighter. Her reactor…
discussed in 1956, authorized, built 56-57, Launched 59, in service by 1960. And she was designed by engineers, using and Slide rules and PAPER!
Old doesnt mean obsolete
You forgot to mention the Slide Rule market is ripe for take over by capital investors who want to create a controlled and hedged market. They even go so far as to buy off think thanks to create propaganda about how certain regulations relating to slide rule sized etc needs to be eliminated while still constraining the market to a limited selection of producers. . . .
Great satire indeed. Although I live in Toronto, where 19th-century technologies – streetcars and bicycles – are at the heart of transportation and land use planning. And downtown is gridlocked. Go figure.
In Russia in the 90s there were still a lot of places where at check out they would use an abacus.
Incredible that some cities are wasting money and slowing down car traffic to make walking safer when feet and shoes are outmoded technology invented thousands of years ago.
Historians aren’t even sure who invented shoes. Whoever it was, it’s time for them to “step aside” (ha) now that a more efficient per-mile mode of mobility has been developed: the private automobile.