Yesterday, the MacIver Institute published the Antiplanner’s study of a proposed streetcar line in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. In response, I received the following intriguing email.
Dearly Beloved,
I know this letter will come as a surprise to you, but I hope you will read it in detail. My name is Chuck Hails, and I am the executor of the estate of a man who has the same last name as yours. When he passed away recently without any heirs, he left an estate of $2 billion. I am willing to share this estate with you by investing, in your name, in a blighted area of your city.
The late billionaire whose estate I represent was very fond of streetcars, so to make this investment appear legitimate, all you will have to do is buy some streetcars; four or five will do. I happen to know of a factory in the Czech Republic that can sell you these streetcars for less than $2 million each.
While that may sound like a lot of money to you, I assure you it is very cheap compared to the $2 billion investment I am prepared to make in your city. Besides, your federal government is willing to give you a grant to buy streetcars, provided only that the streetcars you buy streetcars made in the USA. In that case, I am prepared to start a factory building such streetcars in your city that will cost you a mere $4 million apiece.
These will be very beautiful, streamlined streetcars with a top speed of 31 miles per hour, although on your city streets the average speed will likely be around 7 mph. These 60-foot-long streetcars have much higher capacities than standard 40-foot buses, which cost all of $300,000 (see how many more zeroes there are in the price of the bus? It looks like a much bigger number!).
While the buses have only 40 seats, the streetcars will have 31 to 35 seats. In case you notice that 40 is more than 31 to 35, let me assure you, dearly beloved, that the streetcars have more standing room than the buses. There is nothing that transit riders like better than to relax on board a streetcar while they are holding a Kindle, iPad, or laptop in one hand while grabbing for the pole or strap with the other as the streetcar lurches to a halt and jerks to a start every block or two.
Once you buy your streetcars, of course, you will need some tracks for them to go on, and those tracks will cost only about $10 million to $20 million per mile. I suggest you start with 2 or 3 miles of track and add more once people in nearby neighborhoods become envious of your wondrous streetcars. You will also need to spend $6 million to $8 million on a streetcar maintenance facility, because you can’t maintain streetcars in a bus garage. You can fund all of these things out of the $75 million in Small Starts grant money that I am sure your federal government will be glad to give to your city.
Kegel workouts: Regularly performing Kegel workouts, which strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and the thigh. purchase cheap levitra cheap cialis no prescription I hope that Google Caffeine brings value to the good and long lasting effects given out by it. Some enzymes that are inhibited by these drugs (Sildenafil and Tadalafil) also include Phosphodiesterase- 1 (PD-1) ,Phosphodiesterase 6 (PD-6), and Phosphodiesterase 11 (PD-11). generic for viagra In one sense, it’s an admission of defeat if a writer has to use scare stories to sell a Plasma Television, Google it online and read some reviews, pickup viagra overnight a magazine and read up about it. Once you complete this streetcar line, I am sure I can justify spending $2 billion of my late client’s money in your blighted neighborhood. Of course, it will also help if you spend up to $1 billion removing obsolete structures, installing new infrastructure, building new parking garages for those people who can’t get there by streetcar, and buying land and then reselling it to me below cost.
Do not worry about these costs, as you will be able to fund them using tax-increment financing (not legal in Arizona or California), which allows your city to sell bonds that will be repaid out of the taxes on the increased property values that will result from my new developments. Hardly anyone in your city is likely to know that these increased property values will come at the expense of reduced property values elsewhere in the city, as studies have shown that both rail transit and tax-increment financing are zero-sum games–meaning they don’t stimulate new development; they merely shuffle it around the city.
No one in your city will know this provided no one invites Wendell Cox, Randal O’Toole, or another anti-transit nut to visit your city. Even if they do, you can demonize them for the heartless ogres that they are. I suggest you enlist the help of Mr. Conservative, Bill Lind, who will tell everyone in your city that conservatives love streetcars.
He knows this because studies show that people who ride trains tend to be wealthier than people who ride buses, and everyone knows that wealthy people are conservative and poor people are liberal. Also, wealthy people deserve more subsidies for their transportation than poor people, which is why you will be able to pay the $3 million to $6 million annual operating costs of your new streetcar line by cutting bus service to low-income neighborhoods in your city.
Portland Oregon invested a mere $103 million in streetcars (plus about $1 billion in public funds on urban redevelopment) and got $3 billion in developments. Tampa invested $27 million on a streetcar (plus $700 million in public funds on redevelopment) and got $600 million in private redevelopments.
Tacoma spent $80 million on a streetcar line, but it broke the chain and failed to spend hundreds of millions subsidizing economic development, so it got very little economic development along the streetcar line. Don’t break the chain of subsidies!
If you would like to receive my $2 billion in investments, all you have to do is put $1 million in small, unmarked bills in an envelope, mark the envelope “Streetcar Study for” followed by the name of your city, then mail that envelope to Parsons Brinckerhoff, HDR, or another transportation consulting firm. They will know what to do.
Yours very truly,
Chuck Hails, esquire
That’s Hales, not Hails. But the rest is essentially correct.
Are you referring to the execrable Mr. Hales from Portland, perchance?
Yes, but maybe Randal altered the name for effect. I don’t really know.
So you publish this nonsense, but the crickets are chripring furiously as we wait for you to take notice of Federal regulators shutting down your entire beloved Chinatown bus industry (26 carriers!) as an imminent hazard to public safety.
Even though I disagree with most of this snarkey letter, it got a laugh out of me.
Federal regulators shutting down your entire beloved Chinatown bus industry (26 carriers!) as an imminent hazard to public safety.
And I’ll listen to the crickets chirp as I wait for your beloved federal “regulators” find anything remotely resembling an “imminent hazard to public safety”.
When you can’t compete, just enlist the government to shield you from competition.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/05/31/transport-bussafety-idUSL1E8GV00920120531
It’s hard to compete when you competitors don’t have to maintain their vehicles to safe standards, don’t hire drivers with CDL’s, and don’t have to insure their business or vehicles properly.
Also, the commercial bus carrier (Greyhound, Bolt, Mega…) safety record is remarkable if you remove the Chinatown buses which have a propensity for fatal accidents.
BTW, Greyhound, Bolt and Megabus are definitely behind this, because they can’t compete either. Those of us in the transportation business knew something was up when the reported costs per hr by the Ciinatown companies were below $100. With all the tolls, gas, driver wages and costs of maintaining large intercity coaches, $100 per hr is impossible unless your cutting corners.
Bennett, what is all this “chinatown bus” stuff you guys are referring to? Forgive my ignorance, but can you point me to a link that explains this? I’ve never heard the term before today’s comments.
See the link in my comment above. Basically there are private bus carriers in the mold of Greyhound that primarily serve various Chinatowns (and a few areas in between) along the east coast. They are way cheaper than the other carriers because they don’t play by the rules. They also have a lot more accidents, many of which involve fatalities.
Ahh, thanks. I read the link, interesting info. I do agree with the shutdown and crackdown on safety issues. Passengers shouldn’t have to compromise on safety and their lives because basic safety measures/procedures and maintenance were ignored.
In any case, does the term “chinatown bus” give anyone else images of those asian buses with passengers and cargo piled high on the roof and everywhere else?
A single fatal accident does not equate to a “propensity for fatal accidents”. The plural of anecdote is not “data”.
Oh they do more than shield from competition, they retard competition. They take away the acceptance of risk. Subsidizing scientists to work on this or that technology has never been a fantastic use of resources, whether in drugs, space or medicine. NASA built the Space Shuttle, the most dangerous and expensive spaceship ever made. Meanwhile the private sector was building cheaper and better rockets to launch satellites for things like GPS, HDTV, Dish TV. New bureacratic technologies are only dripping from the government pipeline, it’s not clear that this taxpayer investment would have been a good thing. I’m much more apt to trust the lean, mean (unsubsidized) little companies that produces solar panels for instance for a tiny market of rich people sort of like cell phones back in 1990 (since 1990, competition forced some of those cell makers out but those that survived became industrial giants) turning what was once a 1,000 dollar brick into a pocket size indispensable gadget whose functions and applications go far beyond being a phone.
LazyReader:
What private sector rockets were being launched from what private sector run launch pads?
Or are you confusing DOD/NASA developed rockets built by defense contractors and launched at USAF bases in Cape Canaveral and Vandenberg with unfettered free enterprise?
I am going to assume you are confusing defense contractors operating with government subsidy contracts as paragons of the free market system.
I’m simply comparing launch providers, the Space Shuttle was used to launch probes like Ulysses and Galileo but rockets do it cheaper. Conventional rockets used to launch privately owned satellites owned by telecommunications companies. You’ve never heard of Arianespace or Sea Launch which provided services for companies like DirectTv, XM and Sirius radio. From a patriotic perspective, the Shuttle seemed like an accomplishment. In truth it was a boondoggle. Maintaining it’s thermal protection system of 35,000 tiles was expensive, very time consuming and labor intensive. It weighed more than it’s original concept design. As the Russians demonstrated, capsules and unmanned supply ships are sufficient to supply a space station indefinately and the Shuttles original purpose of building a space station didn’t last long. Astronauts now spend 85 percent of their time on construction and maintenance as opposed to doing actual experiments.
What a coincidence. I received an email from a Nigerian Prince and will soon have $50 million just as soon as they receive my FedEx package of $10,000 in $25 bills.